


Les Memerables

by edgeboi



Category: Les Misérables - Schönberg/Boublil
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Gen, I'm Sorry Victor Hugo, Sorry Not Sorry, dat boi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-06
Updated: 2016-09-06
Packaged: 2018-08-13 11:34:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7975378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edgeboi/pseuds/edgeboi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is what happens when I have both school and writer's block to deal with.. Les Mis in meme form! Will mostly be drabbles. May contain fanart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Les Memerables

**Author's Note:**

> Valjean is Dat Boi. Written for Instagram user @breadthendead.

Jean Valjean was a memelord. In fact, he was the True MemelordTM. He constantly insisted on riding around on his bright red unicycle. No one, save for a certain police inspector, knew why.

This was because Valjean had a lot of problems. He was constantly evading these, especially the certain police inspector, who was by far his greatest nemesis. The inspector’s name was Javert. He, much like Valjean, was a memelord, and believed that Valjean was still a degenerate meme thief.

Dear readers, we must digress in order to discuss Valjean’s past. When he was a young, irresponsible youth climbing the strange social hierarchy of the Internet, he had decided that in order to get ahead, he should steal borrow another person’s well-made “One Does Not Simply” meme. Of course, he got reported and was banned from tumblr. In the depths of the Internet, people started to recognize who he was, prompting him to change his name to Madeleine. He failed to realize that the word “Madeleine” meant a certain type of French muffin.

People were fooled by this “Madeleine”. Valjean had decided to make a great personal. Instead of reusing and stealing memes, he would assist the meme peasants and provide them with resources. He would be a GoodTM person. 

This did not trick Javert, however. He was very suspicious of Madeleine’s content; much of it was very similar to that of Valjean’s. He decided to investigate this. Although he worked most of the day and thought sleeping was for poser meme peasants, he decided to rest and think about the matter. The very next day, he drove over to the irl residence of Madeleine, which he had found when tracking the IP address of the high-quality dank memes. He could do this legally, of course, because he was a police inspector and had access to all of the not-at-all-creepy details of people's lives. 

Javert's boss thought this was ridiculous because there were real criminals to catch, but Javert drove over to Madeleine's house anyway. He knocked on the door. It opened, and a very muscular man stepped into the doorway. The man, who the readers certainly know to be Valjean, tried to communicate to Javert.

“Don't arrest me, I must go save a child!” Valjean shouted.

“What? Why? I didn't know you had children! You spend all of your time donating memes, and don't lie because I stalked you for a month to find out!”

“I don't have children, one of my internet friends who lives nearby died, and I am adopting her child.”

“That sounds sketchy, but alright. Your account will be terminated. Stop with you meme theft. You are a danger to the Internet.”

“I didn't want to do this but…” With that, he hit Javert over the head with a convenient frying pan, grabbed his unicycle, and rode away into the sunset. 

\---

Valjean, now known as Dat Boi, didn't resurface until a few years later. By now, the child had grown up. So had the environment of Paris. A group of college students who called themselves ‘Les Amis de l’ABC’ had started protesting about the college’s lack of wifi. This was mainly caused by the crashing of the popular meme page run by a professor named Lamarque. Now, the students had to find other things to do such as studying. Eventually, their leader, Enjolras, decided that it was definitely time to do something. 

On a warm day in June, the Amis printed several thousand memes and started handing them out. Of course, people joined in because everyone loves memes. Literally everyone, including the very serious police inspector named Javert. 

In fact, Javert was sent by the police force to investigate this strange meeting. 

“Hello, fellow memelords!” he said when he arrived. Enjolras immediately became suspicious. 

“Are you here to steal our memes? They may be printed, but they are the best. You are an enemy to other memelords.”

“I only post my own memes. I am going to have your accounts deleted, you terrible humans.”

“I think not,” said Enjolras. He motioned to Courfeyrac and Bahorel, who soon grabbed Javert. They brought him into Bahorel’s dorm room and duct taped him to a chair. Feuilly came in as well. He handed Nerf guns to Courfeyrac and Bahorel and kept one. 

“You can't get out now, you troll,” Feuilly said. 

“Get rekt,” said Courfeyrac. Suddenly, someone (loudly) opened the door.

“What are you doing?” slurred the person coming from the doorframe.

“GRANTAIRE, PUT THE BOTTLE DOWN! CAN’T YOU SEE WE’RE BUSY? GO DO SOMETHING USEFUL FOR ONCE!” shouted Enjolras.

“No need to yell,” responded Grantaire, “I just wanted to help.” 

\---

Sometime later, a man in his fifties approached the revolting students on a very peculiar red unicycle.

“Hey, I’m Cosette’s father, she was looking for Marius, is he here?” he said rather awkwardly. A boy with curly blonde hair turned to face him.

“Umm, yeah? I think so? He hasn't been online for months. I don't even know if he still likes memes.”

\---

The author now finds it necessary to omit certain sections of the story pertaining to the events of the protest. This story is about Jean Valjean, not the children. We next see Valjean in the dorm room with Javert. 

“Here comes dat boi,” Valjean said, stating the obvious.

“O shit waddup,” replied Javert. Valjean walked up to the chair and started pulling off the duct tape.

“Don't harm the sideburns,” Javert warned. Too late, of course. Valjean, in an attempt to remove an obscenely large piece of tape, managed to rip out an equally obscene portion of Javert’s right sideburn.

“Why did you do that?”

“It was stuck to your face.”

“But I like my sideburns, which I guess is just sideburn now, thanks to you!”

“Sorry,” Valjean mumbled.

Lots of yelling later, Javert finally was free from the chair. 

“Just kill me, ok?” said the very upset police inspector.

“That's illegal, so no. Go home.”

“Fine. But only because it's the lawr, ok!” With that, he left.

“That smol bean needs some help,” Valjean thought to himself.

\---

Needless to say, the revolution failed. All of the Amis were put on work detail for an entire month. Specifically, they were to clean the gum off from under the desks. Marius, however, was spared this, as Valjean grabbed him before the school authorities found him and drove away on the now-legendary unicycle. The conflict was finally over.

Later that night, Javert sat alone in his room with the lights off. He was in the settings of his tumblr meme account. Jean Valjean, better known as Dat Boi, had ruined his life. He was hovering over the “DELETE ACCOUNT” button.

“Hello darkness, my old friend,” he sang to himself, “I’ve come to talk with you again.” He felt sad. 

He had no purpose left in life. Valjean, his sworn enemy, his rival memelord, had saved him. What was he to do? He thought about this for a moment. Not even the lawr could save him. Javert clicked the button. He cried more than he did when he listened to “It’s Quiet Uptown”.

\---

Valjean was very glad that Javert was no longer stalking him. In fact, he was so happy that he rode his unicycle down the street singing the Pokemon Go Song.

**Author's Note:**

> I have a (real) work in progress. It will be up eventually.


End file.
